Invisible Warfare Workbook, Exercise 1 - How to Own and Forgive
Owning and forgiving together mean taking responsibility without judging for your thoughts, feel-ings, and actions, and learning to grow. Owning and forgiving require the following steps. Do them yourself, first!
Only when you have fully processed can you consider approaching others and sharing this with them.
Admit the truth to yourself. Write out and know what happened without self-beating, without care, and without judgment. No victim or blaming allowed.
Understand why it happened. Find a place to rinse and write. (Use rinse paper). Ask yourself and others questions concerning present, past and future experiences. Remember to understand one person’s view at a time. Understanding may not mean agreeing, just seeing different perceptions.
De-personalize the situation. This means understanding that your actions, and the other person’s actions, are separate from each other. Look at the circumstances from every angle, without taking anything personally, without becoming reactive. Understand yourself and then the person who upset you. Whoever was upsetting you was an off-center person. Do not disconnect from your truths, thoughts, feelings and intuition in the process. Stay aware and connected to yourself and the other person. Hold on to the truth that belongs to you and let go of the rest.
Empathize with how you and other people are affected. See yourself and others and how you truly feel, without a judgmental attack. Imagine how it feels to be the person or people you affected or who have affected you.
Prevent and Act. Come up with new behaviors and actions. If they don’t work try again. (This step might involve finding books, programs, support groups, and others who understand).
Celebrate the learning and the growth, in a healthy (not addictive) way. When we speak of what a “mistake” has taught us, we experience wisdom and that’s something to celebrate!
There are limits to owning and forgiving. Own everything you can—but stop owning/forgiving when it turns into an attempt to control others or hurt you. Stop when you’ve reached the limits of your true responsibility or the person you are forgiving. At that point, just let it go and be comfortable with the truth. Let people be angry or hate you. Hold your center and give them time. Owning or forgiving beyond your truth is just another form of codependency that can provoke arrogance, self-beat, or suppression.
Remember: Do not own for someone else or forgive in order to lash out, judge, or lay blame. And no teaching, fixing or learning lessons for someone else. Learn your “own!”
Owning and forgiving together mean taking responsibility without judging for your thoughts, feel-ings, and actions, and learning to grow. Owning and forgiving require the following steps. Do them yourself, first!
Only when you have fully processed can you consider approaching others and sharing this with them.
Admit the truth to yourself. Write out and know what happened without self-beating, without care, and without judgment. No victim or blaming allowed.
Understand why it happened. Find a place to rinse and write. (Use rinse paper). Ask yourself and others questions concerning present, past and future experiences. Remember to understand one person’s view at a time. Understanding may not mean agreeing, just seeing different perceptions.
De-personalize the situation. This means understanding that your actions, and the other person’s actions, are separate from each other. Look at the circumstances from every angle, without taking anything personally, without becoming reactive. Understand yourself and then the person who upset you. Whoever was upsetting you was an off-center person. Do not disconnect from your truths, thoughts, feelings and intuition in the process. Stay aware and connected to yourself and the other person. Hold on to the truth that belongs to you and let go of the rest.
Empathize with how you and other people are affected. See yourself and others and how you truly feel, without a judgmental attack. Imagine how it feels to be the person or people you affected or who have affected you.
Prevent and Act. Come up with new behaviors and actions. If they don’t work try again. (This step might involve finding books, programs, support groups, and others who understand).
Celebrate the learning and the growth, in a healthy (not addictive) way. When we speak of what a “mistake” has taught us, we experience wisdom and that’s something to celebrate!
There are limits to owning and forgiving. Own everything you can—but stop owning/forgiving when it turns into an attempt to control others or hurt you. Stop when you’ve reached the limits of your true responsibility or the person you are forgiving. At that point, just let it go and be comfortable with the truth. Let people be angry or hate you. Hold your center and give them time. Owning or forgiving beyond your truth is just another form of codependency that can provoke arrogance, self-beat, or suppression.
Remember: Do not own for someone else or forgive in order to lash out, judge, or lay blame. And no teaching, fixing or learning lessons for someone else. Learn your “own!”
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